New Things

Apparently, my fitness level is equivalent to that of a ninety year old hippopotamus. I thought that running (even though I had gotten off track during the holidays) and some periodic free weights was at least sufficient to get me through one fitness class at my gym. I was mistaken. I wasn't just a little wrong, either. I was perfectly, totally, and completely incorrect.

My good friend suggested that we take a "Butts & Gutz" class at our local community center. Fun, right? Within 10 minutes of the class starting, I knew that I was ill-prepared for what was occurring. Squat repeatedly while holding weights you say? Faster? Sorry, but I've clearly been mistaken for one who actually possesses functional quadriceps. I am not.

Fifty minutes of somewhat keeping up with the instructor (and I use the term 'somewhat' VERY loosely) and I was pretty convinced that my death was imminent. As I headed down the steps to the locker room, my Jell-O legs were barely able to make it from stair to stair. I was tempted to sit down and scoot, and I may have actually tried to do such a thing, had it not been for the fact that I wasn't certain I would be able to get from the bottom step to an upright position without assistance.

The following day I could barely get out of bed. Walking around seemed to help, at least until I paused for any length of time. Sitting in a chair? Ha! To all appearances, you should be able to lower yourself in a chair rather easily. If, however, your quads, hamstrings, AND glutes are all rebelling against you, sitting should be avoided.

We are now at two days out, and the same good friend and I had the audacity to go to a Pilates class and then follow that up with a short run. My muscles were a little more loose, and that lasted for exactly 2 minutes post-run. In the mean time, I nearly rolled myself into a concussion on the large exercise ball, and laughed so hard attempting to do 'push-ups' with the ball underneath my hips that I could hardly even stay on the crazy thing. Entertaining, for sure. I'm pretty sure I made the other first-timers in class look totally fantastic... so you're welcome, ladies!

Perhaps we may try for a little Yoga Flow class tomorrow night. We shall see. I'll bet I'll make the people in that class look like the coolest, most Zen people on the planet.

My hope is that one day, my quadriceps may actually function. Perhaps I'll even have a couple of working hamstrings. You can't be too sure about these things, but I'm hopeful all the same.

Now if it's all the same to you, I think I need a nap.