I know many of you that read this (hahahaha... I know that the few people on my FB who click on my link that I'll post later and take the time to read this) will not find it even a little bit surprising that the last month or so has been fairly chaotic. Hospital, inpatient rehab, ER visit followed by hospital number 2, outpatient rehab... and sprinkled in between there was Easter, our Women's Conference, Junior Prom for one of my kiddos, and I found about twenty pounds that had been hiding and steering clear of my hind end for months... you know... life.
In the midst of chaos, it can be challenging to remember that God's plan > My plan. Always. It can be easy to rest on your laurels instead on in Him when you're weary and burdened. You can forget to count your trials as joy, and you can turn into a tired toddler, complete with foot-stamping and tear-stained cheeks while having your faith tested. Maybe I'm tired of trying to produce steadfastness. Maybe I don't wanna!!
Last Sunday, my man had a pretty good fall. In public. In front of what seemed like 50 people including 9 of our sweet church family members. There were distractions and blame to go around, and he was understandably embarrassed, because no one likes to take a header in the lobby of a new and popular restaurant. He's been going to an outpatient rehab center five days a week, 6 hours a day for the last few weeks. He is getting stronger every day, and becoming more and more independent, but he's also exhausted at the end of a long week.
I wish I could tell you that I just roll with it. I mean, for the most part, I have always had some sort of chaos in my life. It has been somewhat of a soap-opera/comedy/drama... you name it. There was a time when I could push some sort of internal button, and shut it down. Shut down the internal pressure cooker, but also the emotions that come with it. Pack away the frustration and the fatigue into a little package, tie it up with a bow.
Oh, but I've been a mess this time around. That foot-stamping and wailing I mentioned in the paragraph above... oh yeah. That was me. "But God, I have been praying that Bob would be healed. We saw You work miracles with his recovery for over a year. Why is he going backwards? What is that proving? We've been faithful! We tell about Your hand in this. I want it now, now, now!"
And then... Bob texts me the day after his fall. The day when he was sore and struggling - to tell me that he got the opportunity to pray over a man at the rehab facility. He asked the gentleman if he could pray over him, he said yes, and Bob sat down and did just that. Then in a group counseling session, the facilitator asked Bob to share about resilience. He had suffered a setback after all, and maybe he could offer some insight into the importance of being resilient. So my man completely took over her meeting by explaining that the only thing that made him resilient was his faith in Jesus. There was another believer in the meeting and between the two of them, the facilitator lost complete control of her group. My point is, if Bob hadn't regressed enough to go back to this therapy, he wouldn't have had the opportunity to share his testimony with these people. He wouldn't have gotten the chance to pray for a stranger. God's ways are bigger than mine. He has a purpose.
In the midst of all this, we've had the chance to once again see our church family be the hands and feet of Jesus. Our Sunday School class has a sign-up to help us with transportation back and forth to the rehab center. It is in downtown, which is a bit of a hike, and the times coincide with school dismissal for our youngest and a plethora of other previously scheduled commitments. People have sacrificed their time, and their gas and signed up week after week. One sweet friend sent a hand-written card of encouragement that came at just the right time. Another one sent a private Facebook message to lift me up when they saw I was struggling. A team from our awesome Student Ministry came over and mulched our flower beds and trees.
We've been blessed by watching another family, a really young family, live out their faith very publicly. I encourage all of you to read her blog, from the beginning... and take note of how she ends each post, because it blows my mind in the best possible way. https://babypragel.wordpress.com When I'm being a whiny-butt, I can read this and get over myself pretty quickly. I know I didn't have the faith these sweet people have when I was their age... which was forever ago, but I digress.
PS. I totally got to hold that sweet baby today... and it was the coolest thing ever to see one of her sweet smiles and pretty blue eyes up close and personal.
God reminds me, oftentimes not so subtly, that I can suck it up at any time. I have a roof over my head, I have a husband who loves me to pieces, I have kiddos that look to me to be their Mommy (or Ma, as the case may be) whether I'm having a bad day or not. I have a Mom who is always around to help when I need her, and I have friends that will be there at the drop of a hat. I am blessed, so I'm going to suck it up, Buttercup.
“But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord,
whose confidence is in him.
They will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit.”
Jeremiah 17:7-8
